Me and Book

Hygge

Hi Book, how are you!! (Unfamiliar to me)
Me: Wassup!!
Book: I am good. How about you?
Me: Oh, I am good too. Just some…
Book: What?
Me: Some thoughts are revolving around in my mind round n round. A li’ll bit confused, how to put them into YOU. Suggest something no?
Book: Well, I can help you but, would you able to listen and tell me whatever I’ll ask you carefully? is that fine with you.
Me: Cool… What’s in it, I can do that for you- Ask
Book: Ok. Tell me what’s on your mind, try to explain me once.
Me: I want to talk about me and him, Hope you don’t mind.

“Talk about our ending but that would mean there would have had to have been a middle or even a beginning. We fell into each other in the sense that I rend my heart and he had a tight fist and it made sense for me to try to squeeze myself into it.
I try to think about what would’ve happened if the circumstances had been different if he hadn’t been sad this summer or if I knew how to wear my heart anywhere but on my sleeve. I don’t even know where his line of sight was, or how his heart was beating when it was close to mine, but it wasn’t enough. Burning isn’t something I’m good at, but it would’ve been easier to flame than it was to try to tell him that we’ve always been more than friends. I don’t think he’d want to believe me even if I had the whole world behind me. I know now that he doesn’t want to hear that there’s a reason things between us have always been easy. I will end up a little confused at times but it’s worth it for the ride I take on as he watches over me unfolding!
Letting this go is hard but knowing that he doesn’t have anything to let go of hurts in a gut punch kind of way. I think about what it would be like to have never had it cross my mind- to be able to sleep and walk and pass time without it occurring to me to think about him as I do it. Instead, I think about how I could’ve loved him in every season: in snow on his nose, leaves tangled in his hair, in sand stuck between our fingers. That’s something he never even thought about, but maybe that’s always been a warning sign.
So now it’s my favorite season and the leaves are changing and we don’t talk. I look at the leaves that have stayed green and think that some things don’t know how to change with the rest. Some things, even the best of them, don’t know when change is good to them.
I held the ones I love, closer– let go of the things that weren’t meant to be mine. Looked my past dead in the eye and said, ‘You aren’t welcome here anymore’. Chased away the cobwebs that I had let linger far too long. Told the season I am sorry— this is now my time in the sun. Magic is the air we breathe, keeps us together.”

This is the thing I want to put into YOU. Now, I told you everything, it’s your responsibility to copy them on your pages.

Book: See, you did it. I told you to try. Look at yourself now I can see you relax and free.
Me: Yeah, you are right. I look forward to your support.
Book: My pleasure.

I hide– you seek and call me ‘hey Book’, I’ll be there. 

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Sadah says:

    This is beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

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